The question
by pamy
Summary: Bella is applying for college even though she knows she'll be one of the Cullen's. But one single question takes her by surpris and she knows that answering it will change everything. Even the things she thinks are set in stone. Set somewhere in Eclipse.
1. Chapter 1

**This is what happens when you're cleaning your room. No seriously I was going trough some old video tapes, and I found I had once taped an episode of Dawson's creek. Somewhere in season 4. The idea for this story is born there. Hope you like it, this is set somewhere in Eclipse. **

**Don't own anything.**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

She's never been good at making choices, never liked making choices either, she absolutely hates it. The agony of trying to figure out what the right choice is, the fear of making the wrong one, it's infuriating. This might be the reason (actually she's sure it is) why she always sticks with a choice once she's made it. She never wants to go trough it again, never wants to have to think about her choices again ( so far her first choice has always been the right one, or at least the right one for her), someday she'll make the wrong choice.

This is what she hates most about college applications.

Having to choose between different schools, trying to figure out what she wants to be, which place she will love the most. It's making her crazy. It's why she finds it easy to stick to Alaska (she doesn't want to think of any other schools) she hates making choices, hates everything about it. She still goes trough the entire process, she does it for her parents, so that she'll seem normal. She's not doing it for herself, or maybe in some way she is.

Once she makes a choice she wants to stick with it, wants to have no doubts at all.

If only life was that easy.

* * *

She keeps staring at the words on the paper, she's been staring at it for hours (or at least that's what it feels like). She knows it's useless, it won't change a thing, the sentence stays the same. It doesn't matter how long she stares at it, the letters won't suddenly, magically rearrange themselves; they won't suddenly change the sentence in something else. It stays the same always, never changing (what she'll someday be). It won't change itself into something she can deal with, something she can handle, something that won't break her apart. And she knows that logical, of course it doesn't, the letters stay in the same place, the words don't change, the meaning stays the same.

She keeps staring at it hoping for a change.

A part of her knows she doesn't need to do it at all, after all she's not going to this college, she can just forget about it. But for some reason she can't, it doesn't matter anyway, the words are in her head; the doubts are as well, and now she must choose again (in some way). And then there is the fact that this particular school was a dream once, this is the one she wanted to go to. Edward doesn't know this, he never asked about it.

She stares at the page until the letters become a blur.

* * *

The College advisor at her school (who even knew Forks high even had such a person) told her that this was the easiest essay of them all. She didn't have to think about it, didn't have to spend hours trying to figure out what to write down, she had to easy part: _just answer the question_. But of course life is never that easy, it's making her think, her mind is going around in circles. She wanted to stay far away from answering any questions that might have hard answers, live changing questions. This is the easiest essay of them all she said, maybe for other people.

She wishes for other essay's, the one's she has to think about it. The ones she herself has to write, she even wishes for algebra equations, anything but this. Those ones were hard and yet easy in the same breath. Because this one is giving her more headaches than all the other ones combined. She's tempted to forget about it, to throw the paper away and tell the College advisor she wasn't applying to the school after all, and just forget about it.

The answering of this questions might have consequences or none at all.

It all depends on whether she tells the truth or she lies.

* * *

It's a peer recommendation from the _'Person who knows you best.' _

_

* * *

She had the easy part all she had to do was pick somebody. For a second (while she sat in front of the College advisor) she though about asking her mom. After all Renee had known her for years, she knew things about her that nobody else knew, and she loved her she would make her out to be the best person ever. She dismissed the thought rather fast, because really who wants their mom to write this? Add to that the fact she hadn't lived with her in over a year and well, Bella guessed she had to face the fact her mom didn't know her anymore. Charlie would be of no great help either, while she was sure he would love writing it for her, he wasn't exactly a wizard with words (on paper and off) and she had only been living with him for a year._

Who would have thought it would be so hard to find a person who knew her?

* * *

It should be Edward.

_The person who knows her best, _should be Edward. She knows this, he's the person who loves her. He's the one who wants to give her forever, it should be him. And yet the thought of asking him never crossed her mind, because in reality he doesn't really know her. He thinks he does, but he's never actually tried to, he's never asked much questions. He has no image of little girls, or teenage girls who never had much friends. He doesn't know her, not really. And the realization of that (invoked by that damn question) hits her hard.

She thinks Alice would be the logical choice.

After all Alice is her best friend, she was last year, and she is now again. And at the same time Bella wonders if Alice is really her best friend. A person that can just leave you because her brother tells her to, and never even say goodbye, is that a real friend? Bella realizes it's sometimes rather hard to have conversations with her, especially if she already knows what you are going to say. Alice should be the logical choice, but in the end she isn't the right choice either. The rest of the Cullen's don't really come up, they don't really know her.

The one who comes the closest to knowing her is Emmett, but something tells her that asking Emmett to write an essay for her is just asking for trouble.

* * *

She knows the answer to the question.

She can spend hours staring at the page, she can go over everyone she knows, in the end she knows who it is. The person who knows her best is Jake. He is the only person in the world who knows things about her without being told. Like the fact that she didn't like music. He's the only one who knows what to do or say, who knows what she's feeling simply by looking at her.

He came back to her, he was there when she needed him. He's the one who knows her best. He knows what things to say, and which not. He knows when to hug her and when to leave her alone. He knows her and sometimes she almost feels guilty because she's sure she doesn't know him that well. ( She's wrong in this sense, she knows him as well, she's just never paid much attention to it, it comes naturally. It comes naturally for him as well, he doesn't think about it either. She knows just by looking at him when he's upset and needs her to be happy. She knows when he's thinking about his mom and needs to be distracted, she knows when he's happy or upset, she simply reacts just like he does with her).

They know each other inside and out, it comes with the territory of being best friends.

* * *

A peer recommendation from _'The Person Who Knows You best'. _

That person is Jake, it has always been Jake. She just doesn't know what to do about it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The answer is there, always has been, always will be.

There's no denying that Jake knows her best, he knows everything about her. He's seen her at her best and he's seen her at her worse, and he still loves her, he's still her best friend. For reasons she herself will probably never understand. While she wants other ( Edward, Alice ) to be the persons that know her best ( it would make the most sense), it is in fact Jake that knows her best. Still she doesn't want to think about it anymore; she'll think about it in the morning. Surely a good night rest ( if she gets one of course) will help her think about this. She folds the paper in a half, leaves it in the first book she sees ( ironically being Romeo and Juliet), places it on the bedside table and turns her back to it.

She doesn't want to think about it right now, she just wants to sleep.

She closes her eyes, hoping to peacefully drift into sleep, but of course she can not. The question is still in her mind, despite her wanting to forget it for now. She opens her eyes and stares at the shadows on the wall, wonders for a second if somewhere close by Victoria is lurking. She wonders how she got to a point in her life when there are nothing else than crazy vampires wanting to kill her ( first James, then Victoria, now also Volturi ), this is definitely now what she had in mind when she moved to Forks. She closes her eyes again, attempts to fall asleep, eventually ( it seems like hours pass, probably only minutes ), she falls asleep. She falls asleep before Edward arrives, she never actually notices he's not there. After all she's gotten used to sleeping alone.

For the first time in months her dreams are peaceful.

* * *

Edward isn't there in the morning.

She thought that if she would find herself alone in the morning it would hurt, making her think of all those months alone. Instead all she can think of is that sometimes it's good to have some space. She loves Edward she really does, but he has changed so much from who he once was. He doesn't seem to want to leave her alone, not even for a second. And though she does understand ( with Victoria and Volturi out there who wouldn't?), sometimes she feels like a prisoner. What she can't understand, no matter how much she tries, is that he thinks the werewolves are dangerous.

The paper is still inside the book, it's not like it can actually magically disappear.

It's not possible ( then again two years ago she would have told you that vampires and werewolves were just myths, who knows what is possible ), but she's not that scared anymore. The question remains the same, and so does the answer. The only thing she must really decide is what to do with it. Should she answer it, go to Jake and see what happens next? Should she forget it was ever there? There has to be a way to answer the question, without pressure. But every way she looks at it, she's stuck in a fight between vampire and werewolf.

She wants to leave the question behind, she can't.

* * *

She cooks breakfast.

It's what she always does, to get her mind of things, to think of something else. Cook. Charlie comes down, dressed for work, surprised to find her there in the kitchen this early. She's not supposed to be in school for a while, and Charlie has quite gotten used to her getting up later. Still he's not going to complain about the breakfast she presents him, anything to eat Bella's cooking. Still she looks a little troubled, and he wants to talk to her, but he's just never been completely sure how.

She wants to talk to her dad about this.

But she doesn't know how, she guesses there both not very comfortable with sharing feelings. And it's not like she knows how to explain to him what's going on. She's never actually talked to him, she realizes, not about the really important things. In all the years she was growing up, he was never actually there, and since she moved here they haven't really talked. _Except for once after one of her nightmares, when he told her that sometimes we should learn to love what's good for us. _It was great advice, she had to admit; but as she watches her dad leave for work, she wonders why he never listened to his own advice.

She can't fathom how a good, kind man like him stayed alone for all this years.

* * *

She calls her mom before she heads out.

Really she shouldn't be doing it, she should call her mom at lunch or later today or something. She knows what happens when she begins a conversation with her mom, they can talk for a long time and completely lose track of time. She could be late for school, and in a town this small her father would definitely find out (though admittedly if she told him she was talking to her mom, he would definitely believe her), but she also knows that if she's not there Edward will come to check on her.

She calls her mom, because she doesn't want anyone hearing the conversation.

'_Hey mom.' 'Hey honey, I'm so glad that you called, but shouldn't you be in school?' 'School doesn't start for a while, I just wanted to talk to you.' 'Oh honey, I have something so exiting to tell you.' _She wanted to tell her mom about the schools and Edward and Jake, but the way her mother is talking it's like it's the most exiting news ever ( then again knowing Renee, it could be anything ). _'Really? What happened?' 'Are you sitting down, because you really should be.' 'I am now, tell me mom.' 'I'm pregnant!' _She's dumbfounded for a minute, before she begins asking a million questions. For a second she thinks it might be good, maybe her mom wouldn't miss her so much if she had another kid to take care of. Then again, having a baby brother and not being able to take care of him, or see him at all is something she never thought she'd do.

She tells her mom she has to go, but will call her as soon as she can.

* * *

The question is still there, on the same paper. Neatly folded in half, in her pocket. She can't seem to leave it behind.

* * *

She's late, yet only for a few minute.

It doesn't seem to matter as they write her down for detention. Great, now she'll have to stay longer. More to the point, she'll have to explain to Edward and Alice ( knowing them they're already waiting for her ), why she decided to call her mom so close to having to leave for school. And she simply can't explain it, but it's rather hard to lie to two vampires ( especially if one of them can actually see the future, and knows how the conversation will go ). The only bright spot she has found so far is that Angela was late as well, and will be in detention also.

She only hopes that both Alice and Edward stay out of detention.

Knowing them they will break some rule, to be able to sit in detention with her. But she doesn't want them to, she wants to spend some time with Angela. To talk to a girlfriend, not connected to any of this ( not to any supernatural thing ) , just a neutral party. Who can maybe help her sort out her thoughts, help her figure out what to do, help her decide. But she can't do that with Alice or Edward around because they'll already have an answer for her. They'll probably have the essay finished, before she can even think twice about it.

She just really wants to decide on her own, is that to much to ask?

* * *

The day passes to slow for her liking.

Edward has already asked her why she was late, though for the moment he seems to be accepting that she was just talking to her mum. _The paper burns a hole in her pocket, it almost makes her feel guilty carrying it around. _Alice never even said anything about her detention or her being late, no she jumped straight to the topic of her mum being pregnant. She really should have seen it coming that Alice would already know about it. Of course she jumps to shopping immediately, because that's just Alice. Still she allows Alice to ramble on, the longer she talks the less she'll have to.

Gym ends tragically, as always, though this time she is the only one injured.

'_I'm fine, really Edward it's not so bad.' 'We'll get you home, to Carlisle.' _She wonders when she was supposed to began calling his house home, as opposed to Charlie's house. Still she can't leave, she still has detention, though apparently that has slipped Edward's mind. _'I can't go yet, Edward.' 'Of course you can go. What do you mean you can not?' 'I have detention, I have to stay.' 'You're wounded, love, they'll let you go.' 'Edward, it's not like it's a prison or something. It's just detention, beside I already told you I'm fine.' 'Love, you are going home.' 'I'm going to detention because I don't want to be given more by not showing up in the first place, Edward.' _

He looks at her like he sees her for the first time, she supposes it is the first time she talked back.

* * *

She and Angela are the only ones in detention.

Of course, Bella thinks, how many people would get into trouble on a Friday? _'So how are you and Ben?' 'Oh, we are doing great. What about you and Edward?' 'We're fine.' 'Just fine?' 'Yeah.' _She looks at her book for a while, wondering why she couldn't answer with anything else but fine. It should be great, wonderful, anything at all but fine. But that's all it is really, fine, she still expects him to leave at any second. But she doesn't want to talk about her relationship with Edward ( though she thinks she should ) , she wants to talk about the question.

'_How are your college applications going?' 'Oh I am all done, Ben on the other hand still has to finish for a couple of schools. What about you?' 'I only have one essay to finish, but I don't actually have to write it myself. It's a peer recommendation, by the person that knows me best.' 'And you're having trouble deciding who that person is?' _She contemplates the question for a second, she could of course lie, but that would defeat the purpose of asking for advice. _'Not exactly, I'm just worried about consequences. Maybe I should forget about the school.' 'Do you want to go there?' 'Maybe.' 'Then you should make sure you finish your application. Answer the question, this is about your future, not about Edward's or Alice's.' 'How do you know one of them isn't the answer to the question?' 'Because if they were, you wouldn't be talking to me about it, nor would you be worried.' _

Angela is right though, this isn't about Edward or Alice, this is about her and her future ( the future isn't going to have if she's changed). She and Angela continue to talk about a million things, and Bella finds that she really missed her friend. She wonders how she can possibly ever give up any of her friends, if she's ever changed.

She wonders when she changed from _'When I'm changed' _to _'If I'm changed'._

_

* * *

_She drives to the Cullen residence.

She thinks that Edward might still be a bit upset, and Alice will probably want to talk to her some more about Renee's baby. Still when she arrives there the only one who is there is Emmet. Who is currently staring at the television screen, apparently completely fascinated by what he is watching. Upon closer examination what seems to have captured his attention is _'SpongeBob SquarePants'. _A giggle escapes her mouth, _only Emmett, _she thinks. He's embarrassed and she suspects that if he could he would blush, still she's glad she has finally been able to embarrass him ( after all the times he did it to her ). _'Hey little sis, if you're looking for my adorable brother he's not here.' 'oh, well I could wait here, unless you want me to go.' 'Of course not, sit. You want to play a game?' 'Sure.' _

She stares at the screen, contemplating if she should ask him anything.

It would be nice to have the perspective of one of them, yet at the same time it might bring some problems. _'You know if you want to ask something, just ask.' 'How did you…'_ He just looks at her, affectively stopping her. _'It's just, one of my college applications.' 'Having problems with essay's, cause Edward would definitely help you with that.' 'Not exactly. I don't have to write it myself, it's a peer recommendation. 'The person that knows me best.' 'And you're having trouble figuring out who that is?' _She thinks, wondering how best to broach the rest of the subject. _'Sis? From the silence I take it you already know and you're afraid to say something because it isn't one of us? That's okay you know.' _

She looks at him, shocked, surprised and grateful at his reaction. Who would have thought Emmett could be understanding, and actually know what she can't say?

'_It's the dog isn't it?' 'Jake…' _Emmett looks at her for a second before she continues. _'His name is Jake.' 'Okay. It's Jake.' 'Yeah.'_ She realizes it's the first time she has admitted it out loud, she didn't even hesitate, never thought to even lie to him. There was no point anyway. _'Hey it's okay little sis, there's no need to cry. Look it seems like you've already figured out who it is, so just give him the essay. If he wants to write it he'll do it, if not you can find someone else to write it.' 'It's not Jake I'm worried about. It's just, I don't know what to do.' 'Simple, go to La Push, give him the essay question and see what he does.' _She sighs, when he puts it like that it's pretty simple ( still she wonders why he's so accepting of the wolves, if one of them can be why not the others? ), and yet at the same time it makes it more difficult. _'But what about Edward? And Alice? I mean, they won't like it.' _

Emmett sighs, placing his arm around her shoulder.

'_Look little sis, despite everything that has happened, it is still your life. And you should decide. It shouldn't be based on what either Edward or Alice think or say. It's pretty simple.' 'It is?' 'Yeah. The question is 'who's the person that knows you best' not who should be the person that knows you best, or 'who are you dating right now'. Answer the question, if the answer is Jake, go ask him. It's that simple.' _

Neither one really talks about it anymore, Bella doesn't know what to say, Emmett has run all out of advice.

* * *

Later, much later, as she cooks diner she thinks about what Emmett said. Who would have thought Emmett, of all people, would give her the best advice? Who would have though it was him that would push her to ask Jake? She still can't get over the fact that he doesn't have a problem with the wolf thing, or maybe he just simply trusts her.

She should really go and talk to Jake, it's Saturday tomorrow she could spend the day.

She sighs as she realizes the biggest problem of all. How do you get away from all of those vampires. Especially if one can read thoughts ( and has maybe already read Emmett's), one can see the future ( and will see hers disappear ) and one can control emotions ( that's rather annoying really).

She'll have to find a way, she just doesn't know how.


End file.
